Mitt Romney, Chile, Craig & The Grease Campaign

Craig Romney, son of pander-bear Republican presidential hopeful and to-be Tuesday Florida primary election loser Mitt Romney - the tri-lingual candidate who speaks French and black, the latter which may prove a formidable asset in the VP debate against Billary - helps his dad out by adding a fourth linguistic ability to the campaign trail, a neutral version of Chilean known as "Spanish." Mira Usted:

Conozca a mi papá Mitt Romney, by Craig Romney.

Craig Romney, a Mormon, mish'd Chile. Wooo-hooo! Chi-chi-chi! Le-le-le! Sadly, this goes largely underreported in the news media, a fact which is baffling considering the, I mean, deluge-like diaspora of election-tilting Chilean exiles that poured into the United States of America.

Thanks to his son, Mitt's totally got the Chileans in a bag. They just don't know it yet. But when you think about it, why wouldn't they flee a free-market dictatorship only to throw their votes behind a ruthless capitalist buyout-guy like Mitt?

In a press release celebrating Chilean Independence Day Mitt says:

Chile's example of promoting economic freedom has been an example for the region and the world.

There you have it. A friend of ThatcheReaganChet is a friend of mine. Couldn't help noticing, though, that somehow Mitt's frequently stated belief that "America is the Greatest Country in the World" didn't make the final draft of that press release. I would have left it in.

But there's another theory about how Romney's campaign is honing in on the Chile contingent. (That's right, come Florida fuck the Cubans). Missy, the part-black Chilean who says she can out-shake her compatriots because in Arica they dance like this, frequent commenter on this blog (formerly known as Faithful Lurker) and founder of the new architectural styles blog called Bungalowster, told me she has a different theory about how Mitt is courting the Chilean vote. According to Missy, it's a sort of grease-on, grease-off strategy. She posits that the greasiness is maxed out for the Latin audience, whereas Craig will tone it down in more Anglo-appropriate occasions, like here:



"Less grease, more..." I'd say fleece, but it was the heat of summer when the picture was taken (thanks Caucus blog). So, I guess I'll just go with: "Less grease, more baby wrangling Great White Shark impersonation." Really, Craig's toothiness is a problem as Jezebel contributor Megan Carpenter's alcoholic bantering about the Romney boys comes round to:

MEGAN:....
It's something about the teeth.
MOE: Yeah, he shouldn't smile.

Which might actually work out fine if you're pandering to one of the world's most clinically depressed nationalities (thanks to Santiago). The ways of Elohim are mysterious.

And on that note, I'll leave you with a stark warning. "Stark" because this shit is so hot you won't be ready for it. This is what America will look like if we vote the Obama-Romney ticket. This is Peruvian festejo but apparently, according to Missy this happens in Northern Chile where there are more black enclaves or at least people with more black in them despite the fact that blacks in Chile disappeared like they did in Argentina, too:



But that's actually not that bad especially considering the alternatives. Let's pray Obama does out-dance Clinton, who's pants really are on fire. If he doesn't, America will look like this for the rest of 2008: