Sexy Santas' Christmas in Chile

"Can I take your picture, it's for a Christmas Special." That's all I had to say. Only when I translated it back into English in my head did I realize how absolutely inane and ridiculous that sounded and I have no idea from what seedy depths of my dark subconscious those Spanish words emerged but you know what? Merry Christmas Special. (Warning: this is an equal opportunity Christmas).



Okay so despite the photo the above girl is very beautiful and flirtatious. You know what she's saying? "I think Fujimori likes Chandon!" Just kidding I made that up. Moving right along:



You know, I developed several crushes on Saturday and I think Talia is one of them. She is a good girl with rich parents she goes to Universidad de Los Andes and only works at Unimarc on the weekends and holidays.

In the above photo, Talia is pitching Valdivieso champaign from Chile's Central Valley, but experts say Chandon, from Argentina's Mendoza wine region, is better. Apart from the Demi-Sec, Valdivieso champaign boasts three fruit flavors: "Berries" "Chirimoya" and "Cuacawanatanga-" okay, haha, I forget what it's called but that one's actually the best. It tastes like that Koala fruit drink I remember drinking as a child. All these bottles are available at incredible discounts with promotional cards but fur'ners have to pay full price. Still good price like 5 bucks a bottle. I'll shut up now, this next girl has good birthing hips:



Even better is this next girl, not only has she got good birthing hips, but a great smile and stop. Look again what's in her right hand. Yes it's a pen, and you know what's not pictured? It's a clipboard. Yeah baby. Crush Number 2 for sure, although it's a retrospective crush because we didn't have time to talk. She was too busy - oh, man, I just bust a nut.



We're gonna get out of this dip shortly so keep your comments to yourself this ain't "hot" or "not" but I think the next girl is the grinch who stole Christmas, I slurped down her reduced-lactose vanilla flavored yogurt.



If I hadn't approached this next girl and taken four pictures of her she'd have swallowed a hole box of OMO this evening, she was so alone and unnoticed. So if you even think about calling me a pig for posting girls' pictures on my blog, then you are nothing short of a Murderer. Listen, I told this girl she was very, very beautiful, and I honestly think my lie was convincing.



All I can say about this next girl is fantastic product placement.



Same goes for this one:



And I've been known to have sordid dreams about jamon serrano (A Spanish delicacy similar to Italian Prosciutto, these slabs from Rancagua, Chile)



For those of you who have ever expressed concern for my health and safety that's not her boyfriend in the background, I'm okay.



If I believed in sex before marriage, I'd say the most fuckable chicks were in the electronics department:





Again, though, it's a nasty pall cast over the dairy section, or something, so far yogurt is looking like the kiss of death.



Now this next girl was very shy and kept telling me that she would break my camera and to go take pictures of the cuter girls and I said I would but I didn't let her go without showing her all the pictures I took of her and she convinced herself that she was beautiful. At this point it's only paperwork that's between me and Sainthood. Granted she was fishing but if it weren't for Jesus there wouldn't be fish.



And for my trials...



I am in Love. (The one on the right).



*Sigh*. Something about anorexia. Anyway, more of a classic beauty, from the coquettish cosmetics department:



And this next one caught my eye as I getting on the escalator so I scrambled down and cut off a few kids in line, jumped onto the astroturf, knocked over someone's tripod and blurting out something about a "Christmas Special" I think I was supposed to sit on her lap but not that kinda Christmas special, not in front of the children, I just took her picture and I would call her a crush but that just would not do my feelings justice and the picture hardly does either.



So, in other words, the best place to celebrate Christmas in Santiago, Chile is at a store. In masculine form the Chilean Santa Claus is called viejito pascuero but all the pimply teenage boy Santas were too shy, I swear. But my Christmas special is equal opportunity, here's something for the ladies:



Satisfied? Good.

So now guys that your tubes are cleaned let's talk about this wonderful holiday. When does Chile celebrate Christmas? How does Chile celebrate Christmas? In my experience Christmas Day in Chile isn't as big a deal, but rather Christmas Eve. The Chilean version is focused more on feasting and getting all cheerful, bubbly or wasted the night before, the name for Christmas Eve in Chile is Noche Buena, but the 25th of December isn't really a big deal, it's a peaceful quiet day. Kinda like New Year's Day except the heavy alcohol consumption and drug use of the night before was done in a much more family-friendly context, a wholesomer hangover.

Speaking of which, the whole point today was to get as fucked up as I could off the free champaign samples and I failed miserably, I should have pre-partied I would have been a lot less nervous. I'll try to get out again before New Years and who knows what costumes they'll be sporting, I think there's gonna be a lot of Orange, although I suspect that's just an Undurraga champaign promo that shit is nasty but an essential part of your plan if you're serious about getting drunk on one of these escapades.

But I swear it's hard. Despite all the fanfare, the Bacardi and coke samples were way too watered down I had to ask for a second shot but it really just tasted like Coca-Cola with too much ice melted into it. But by far the liquor section is where it's at:



Oh, yeah and if you know Christmas information about Chile or you have more facts about Christmas in Chile, chime in.