How to Ride the Bus for Free in Santiago, Chile

I've been doing this pretty successfully for a while so I think I should let you in on a little secret: it is extremely easy to ride the bus for free in Santiago Chile.

And as a matter of principle, you should.

The not stated, but demonstrated unwillingness of the government and mafioso private sector to give a shit about the millions of working class people they're screwing over is nothing that I want to support. Nor is the inhumane hours spent waiting in the cold, and the overcrowded buses and dangerous maneuvering by the drivers. Nor would I really want to fork over close to a buck even if it did go smoothly. So here we go, your surefire guide to free public transportation in Santiago.

Ask nicely
This is key. If you make a simple appeal to the bus driver's sense of compassion, you'll get to walk on by between 60%-90% (estimate) of the time. This alone can add up to some serious savings. How do you ask? Just tell him/her you don't have any money (the new system doesn't let you pay with cash, anyway). If you do have a card, make sure it's empty and swipe it, it'll beep red. Tell the driver you're in a hurry and you don't know where to fill up your card. If it's late you can say that there's no place open to recharge your card, and besides you wouldn't know where to go. You're just a foreigner. Think: Puppy Dog Eyes. (Chileans, say you're from out-of-town). Most bus drivers don't even care. Sometimes they'll even be like "shut up and sit down, see if I care," not even letting you finish your little story.

Be Patient
Sometimes drivers like to be a stick in the mud. Nevertheless, it is still extremely easy to get a free bus ride, with minimal delay. The bus driver will may shrug his shoulders and say, "it's not my problem, just get off the bus." At which point the LAST thing you want to do is get sheepish walk off with your tale between your legs. That'll never do because that's the antithesis of the free-bus-ride mentality. Look at it this way: "Be Patient" is in no way a Plan B. Instead, it's really just and extension of "Ask Nicely". In other words, continue asking nicely. And be patient.

You see, the bus is going to move, and you're going to be on it. Keep that in mind, and persevere. If you stay neutral, and optimistic, and appeal to the bus driver's sympathy, optimism and human kindness, the rest of the bus will chime in and call out to the bus driver to give a cracker a break. It's happened repeatedly, and it's very amusing.

Path of Least Resistance (PLR)
Hollywood script writers follow this principle, so do free-bus-riders. After you've exercised "Ask Nicely" and "Be Patient", the bus driver will undoubtedly maintain his position but at that point it's really up to you whether or not you want the free bus ride. Because at a certain point, you'll know when, you'll have reached an impasse and the conversation will be dead. So just walk on by and sit down. That is your PLR. The bus driver's PLR is to keep driving. Congratulations. You've just gotten a free bus ride.

Some Important Notes:
Don't Be Sneaky
Yes, this sometimes does work. If it's crowded you can slip by unnoticed. Or maybe it's just a bus driver who doesn't care. Problem is, if you get called out, the bus driver is going to be pissed off and you lose the innocence-facade that powers you through the highly successful "Ask Nicely" and "Be Patient" principles.

Don't Lose Your Temper
Here's why it's tempting. These bus drivers have an increased nominal salary since the implementation of Transantiago, something like a 100% raise, BUT they are actually making less money than before because in the previous system it was a lot easier for them to pocket some of the passengers' fares. At that point, they weren't sticklers for the rules. Overnight, however, some of them have become beacons of morality, and for the sake of whom? The operators of the biggest public transportation scandals in recorded history, that's whom.

In the previous system, I always paid because that money went directly to the bus driver, some or all of it depending on what he/she chose to do with it. Now, however, a free bus ride has absolutely no negative impact on the driver's salary. Nor will your free bus ride lose them their jobs. I've asked on repeated occasions, "what will happen to you if I don't pay?" The answer is, simply put, nothing. That's why it's a little much for them to be such sticklers for the rules, but if you lose your temper, you will lose the bus ride.

Don't Hate the Free-Bus-Rider
At some point a hater of the free-bus-rider might jump in and say, hey jerk, why don't you just pay and make everybody's life a little easier! Well, the whole point is that you don't have money on your card because you're getting a FREE BUS RIDE so that argument doesn't work. Secondly, why should a 30 second delay be the cause for so much anger when Transantiago regularly leaves people in the lurch for hours. In fact, the bus delays had a measurable effect on slowing down the Chilean economy due to lost work hours when it was first implemented. Buses are often extremely crowded and it's inhumane. So a stick-in-the-mud bus driver is no reason to be intimidated into voting with your pocket book, awarding top-level corruption and reinforcing Chilean institutional dysfunctionalism. Ride the bus, it's your right. But don't pay.

Next time:
Riding the Santiago Metro for FREE. A tricky method that I've only used a couple times but really should use more because it really works - a Metro operator taught it to me!