Mi Metro, Free Metro

Or How to Ride the Santiago Subway without a Penny to Your Name. At least, that's what you tell them. But I'm already getting ahead of myself.

To be honest, I've been having second thoughts about divulging this one, but after I promised you that I'd give you this killer tip on how to ride the metro for free in Santiago, I can't go back on my word. And besides, since I moved into the wild Yonder and don't make it out that often, I don't really have much use for this. Furthermore, it pains me that so many people may be paying when they don't really have to.

You see, the Metro is more expensive than the bus, close to a dollar per ride during the rush hour, edging up to the price of a New York subway yet at least that subway will pop you out into a beautiful city, the cultural capital of the world, while Santiago's Metro abandons you in an apocalyptic wasteland with air quality that literally could cost you a lung, or two. It's about smart pricing. It's fine if you want to live in the bowels of one of the world's most depressed/depressing cities, but to pay upwards of $50/month to switch seats on the respiratory Titanic? That smacks of self-hatred. So Love Yourself, and ride the metro for free.

Love the Metro Attendants, Too
The yellow-vested guards and assistants who watch over the beeping gates leading into each metro station are human beings, and should be treated as such. Despite the propaganda, it's not their Metro, nor are they the Metro. They don't care about whether one passenger slips by, much more important is a genuine smile, and an appeal for human compassion. Think of it this way, you're GIVING them something - what? - a chance to help you. THAT is what they'll remember on their death beds, not that they turned someone down, someone who made them feel bad, no. They'll remember that they HELPED somebody. THAT'S what counts at the end of this Journey Called Life.

Exploit that, and you'll get a Journey on the Metro, for free. But if you're not nice to them, and if you don't go to the extra effort to make a genuine appeal to their good nature, then you will fail. In fact, I highly recommend that you go back and review my guide to riding the bus for free, if you haven't already, because the same fundamental principles of "Ask Nicely" and possibly "Be Patient" will apply as you begin to work your magic.

A Guard Taught Me This Trick
I swear to God. You see, for a while I had this routine where I'd ride the metro to the gym everyday, and once-a-month that routine would be broken up by having to pay the Telefónica bill at the metro station directly prior to the station where the gym was. Not wanting to waste valuable treadmill time by walking, I also realized that it would be a bit ridiculous to pay a dollar for a 17-second ride. I explained my plight a chubby blond woman in a yellow vest overseeing passengers beeping away their chump change paychecks. With a twinkle in her eye she told me, go over to the guard who has access to the gate that can let you in, and tell him that you mistakenly got out at the wrong station, and that you meant to get out at the very next station. And, one more thing: you didn't hear it from me. Wink. Well, it worked like a charm, and away I went. For free.

Granted, that Metro station was pretty crowded, and it seemed to be rush hour every time I pulled off that trick during the same routine. There's so many people that if you just appear out of the blue with puppy dog eyes, and a confused, even flustered expression, the guard has no reason not to believe you. Remember, the station you're going to is the Next station, and you got off by accident, you have JUST ONE MORE STATION TO GO. (That's what you tell them, I mean). Also, especially since Transantiago made life a living hell for people and collapsed the Metro, I've sensed a certain level of compassion within the culture of the metro staff. For Christ's sake, a Guard taught me this trick! Also the young white foreigner thing which I won't deny, but I KNOW Chileans are EXPERTS at the puppy dog eyes and there's no reason you can't be from OUT-OF-TOWN for minute or so during your commute.

Plan B: Ask Nicely
Not all stations are that crowded, and sometimes you'll descend the stairs and the only sound will be the echo of your footsteps and the only other people will be the guard flirting with the cashier. They'll stare at you as you approach them. Time for Plan B. Ask Nicely. If you've got an empty "Bip!" card, swipe it and then look confused, like you thought you had money. Reach in your pocket and pull out 100-200 pesos, and right about now I wanna see some PUPPY DOG EYES. There you go. As you appeal to their compassion, remember to highlight the URGENCY of the situation. You're in a hurry, you can't take money out of the ATM because you forgot your wallet at home, you're off to [class, teach english, job interview, audition, CHARITY WORK] and you're running late and you hardly have a penny to your name. And besides, it's JUST THIS ONCE.

Remember,
Giving is Better than Receiving
A free ride will be nice for you, but the true reward belongs to the one who gives you that free ride. So it's your job to make a sincere effort at carving out a way for them to give you that free ride, without making them feel cheated. Put some effort into it, really ACT. Hell, we do it all the time in life, why not act consciously for a good cause? Also, it goes without saying that you are never to get indignant and rail on the "dysfunctional system" or any nonsense like that. That won't inspire them to do something lovely for you, will it? That's not something they'll remember on their deathbed.

Next up:
Finding Your Friends at the Santiago Airport
Not exactly a burning question, I know, but for some reason I always get separating from the people I'm traveling with at the Santiago Airport, and a guard taught me a cool trick that isn't very flattering to the people I'm looking for but it really works!