Valparaiso, Chile Vacation Travel Review, Advice

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Valparaiso, Chile

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Forget everything I ever said about Chilean beers. Cerveza del Puerto is alright. Brewed in the port city of Valparaíso, Cerveza del Puerto tops my list for Chilean beers. Specifically, the dark ale or "bock". It's got a hints of charcoal and espresso. Definitely bold. The pale ale is also bold, but too hopsy, I felt like sending it back to the kitchen to cook more and make it easier on the palate.

Cerveza del Puerto was kind of hard to find. All the chic bars on Valparaíso's Cerro Alegre were either serving cocktails or their very own tepid beer called Cerro Alegre. I followed my instinct to get off the hill, down to the more casual, rustic city center. Pretty quickly I found a bar that does serve Cerveza del Puerto on tap. The half-dead neon sign on the bar said, "Bar." Inside is a restored trolley with several cushioned booths.

Everyone says Valparaíso is like San Francisco, CA because of the hills and the Victorian architecture. When you pull back, most of it has that colorful landfill look, like Daly City.

I ended the night at around 5am with Piscolas at a place called the Canary, which was hopping. (Sorry). People were really nice, and festive. But the next day was a slow starter. My first jolt came when I realized I'd spent all my cash at the bars and needed to find an ATM on a Sunday morning so I could pay for last night's lodging. None of the ATMs accepted my Paypal debit card (common and annoying, but I use that card because they only charge a dollar per withdrawal anywhere in the world). So I finally found a working ATM in a gas station mini-mart, pulled out some cash and lunged for the fridge to grab a glass bottle of Afe natural apple juice.

Suddenly it splashed and shattered all over the floor. Dazed, mumbling and frightened, I asked if I could grab another juice from the fridge.

"NO! We're gonna charge you for that!"

Whoooa. I hadn't expected that. So, even though I was thirsty as hell, I speed-walked outta there empty handed. But even that much physical activity quickly made me feel kinda strange.

I made it part way up one of the hills and then heard sirens. In my confusion I thought they were after me so I started running and doubled toward the right up these steep cement stairs, running up them, panting, sweating. Would the stairs ever end! Finally, I made it. Drank water, showered and started the day. What a day. Ended up at some low-rate, overpriced seafood joint, asleep.

But when I went to pay the bill they told me my money was counterfeit.

What?

You heard me, it's funny money.

No way, lady. I pulled this outta the cash machine this morning! No way!

Upon looking closer, however, it was so obviously fake. A 5,000 peso bill (about ten bucks) is normally a toned-down red color. But this was bright red, almost magenta, and the serial numbers were all fuzzy and badly printed.

But I got this from an ATM, I whimpered.

Tough luck, kid. Happens all the time.

But she did give me the bill back, which I found interesting.

Luckily it was only that bill, and the other bills were good so I made it outta there without...having to look for an ATM machine. The next question, though: what to do with this bill?

I thought about calling the bank, but there were several problems with that idea. First, I hadn't gotten a receipt for the withdrawal, so it'd be hard to prove. Secondly, it would mean going back to that gas station, which was not really an option considering the morning's debacle. Thirdly, I'm totally disillusioned in Chile's institutions, both public and private. And if you can't even trust an ATM to come up with real money, if the bank doesn't care to crack down on this rampant and apparently persistent felony, then what kinda confidence am I going to have in them?

I got kicked off the bus. Okay. Time to be smarter about this. We were near a plaza and I saw a little kid crying, and almost gave him the bill, but thought better of it. There was a corner store selling fruit and cigarettes and bottled water for 480 pesos. The guy charged me 500 pesos, and took the bill, gave me change and I left, feeling pretty relieved.

I can only hope he finds some sucker to palm it off on. I mean yeah it's counterfeit money, but at the same time it works, right? It worked on the ATM, it worked on me, it worked on him, it should work on someone else.

Poor Valparaíso. My guide book tells me that it used to be the capital of Chile, it had the first stock market, newspaper, it was the biggest port. But in 1866 (?) the Spanish Armada bombarded Valparaiso for three hours, leveling much of it. Then on August 16, 1906 a violent earthquake shook and razed Valpo, killing 2,000. They say the town never really recovered after that. The Panama Canal didn't help either.