People Who Burn Themselves Alive in Beautiful Chile

This last guy, though. Man. Sorry.

Ha! Sorry. I know it’s bad, but...so, he doused himself in gasoline, right? He lit the match, right?

But then he jumped into a fountain!

Ha Ha! Okay.

Sorry.

But c’mon, dude! You fizzled out way too soon! Now you’re the laughing stock of Chile’s tabloids.

Maybe next time, I dunno, like take a meditation course. Be like that monk dude, that Vietnam War protester guy who lit up in front of the White House. That was deep. That was in the Lotus Position.

You, on the other hand, are kinduva weakling. And honestly, buddy, you're hurtin' the cause. Chileans have been burning themselves alive at a steady clip up to now, often for economic, political reasons, with mixed success (sometimes they survive). It's called quemarse a lo bonzo. But you just put them all to shame.

I may just smirk now, every time I hear about one of you little fireballs. And it'll be your fault, mister would-be fireball. How can I take you seriously anymore?

What's it all about, anyway? Why can't I rally behind you guys, without wondering who's next? Who's the next one to go jump in a fountain? Do you understand where I'm coming from? It's kinda like finding out that my favorite band is lip-sinking.

I'm feeling down, and uninterested. Why should I be impressed by

this guy burning himself,

or this kid burning

or these two guys burning themselves

or
this chick, burning herself to death

and these guys almost burning themselves,

etc.

Maybe it's just a passing feeling, but I'm starting to get the sense that you're expecting a lot from your audience. As a fan, but also a busy guy, I can tell you: it ain't gonna work. You gotta get your act together. Keep it slick. No more jumping in the fountain. Okay?