Cell Phone Service in Santiago, Chile

Sucks. I recommend you DON'T buy a cell phone if you are visiting Chile. Checking the Entel rates right now, this shit is $.46 a minute to call a cell phone in Santiago Chile.

Don't forget of course, The Economic Hour, which occurs after 9pm on M-F, 4pm on Sat and all day Sunday. A sick, orphaned child of "Nights and Weekends" plans offered in the United States. Not just the inhumane hours, but the complete absence of anything resembling a bargain. It comes out to a magnanimous $.37/minute.

Chile is an apocalyptic barnyard full of dumb animals being bludgeoned by the two by fours of communications giants. They appear dumb, at least. You would too. I certainly feel dumb. Makes me feel dumb for living here. Entel, Movistar, go to hell.

I just don't talk on the phone any more except in rare cases. The cell phone is not an integral part of my life like it used to be. Perhaps this has helped me become more Zen and de-stressed. Even if that were true, it's not an ideal disposition for a potential consumer. But I guess the cell-cos don't really care, they're busy robbing the dumb animals blind...because they can.

But back before I realized the insanity of the situation, I thought I could make a killing (in savings) with the trick I learned under the reign of another third world cell phone service (Spain) when I'd just call and hang up and wait for whoeverthefuck to call me back. Compared to Chile, the Spanish cell phone culture is sharp and playful. If someone answered the phone before I could hang up, then I was stuck with the cost. The fastest draw (on this side of the Guadalquivir, so the saying went) won.

I was all prepared to hit the ground running in Chile. Unfortunately, all for fun was lost because, for starters, the cell phones don't really work. I call someone and the recorded voice says the phone's off (not true) and the same happens when they try to call me. When they kinda work and I get shunted to voicemail...well, I couldn't believe it at first. While charging close to 50 cents a minute, the recorded literally talks. This. Slow:

You...have...reached...cinco...cinco...cinco...uno...dos...tres...cuatro.

No! You can't DO that! That's the oldest trick in the book!

So to anyone who wants to call a cell phone in Santiago, Chile, now you know: cell phone service in Santiago sucks. It's overpriced, and calls don't go through. My advice: don't get a cell phone. So I've said it.

But if you need to MAKE a call to a cell phone in Chile, here's how. Most cell phone numbers start with a "9" or an "8". If you're calling from a regular old land line, dial "09" then the number. So if the number starts with "9" you'll be dialing "099...." and if it starts with "8" you'll be dialing "098...."

Just remember to keep it short and sweet because no matter where you're calling from, a local telco like Telefonica or an international long distance service, the Chilean cell phone companies will ram up the charges which will then get passed on to you.